I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
