I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
