The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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