Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
