if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
