I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize