No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
