I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
