Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
