the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
