ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize