she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
