And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
