She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
