They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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