peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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