Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
