just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
