I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is wine microwaveable?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
