My friends, they love my intelligence
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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