im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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