Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
