she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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