And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
