The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
BRING THE BAGELS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
