If that was your dad, he is hot
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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