What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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