I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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