I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
