you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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