I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
