I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
