Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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