I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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