are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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