He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
