The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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