sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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