Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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