somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
