In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
