dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
