walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize