You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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