he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
