i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
