Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
