It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
