just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
