you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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