just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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