I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
