I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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