I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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