yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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