She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just had sex on a roof
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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