Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
