i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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