I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
