This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize