Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
