She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
