Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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