This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
