i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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