this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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