everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
