i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
