Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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