i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
