I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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