And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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