"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
