There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
