I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His nipple licking is glorious
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