So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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