Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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