Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
as a side note pls kill me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
