if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
