Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
