I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
