I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
