So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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