My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
