Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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